An*tic*i*pa*tion

I shouldn't have watched so many doctor shows.

Nip/Tuck, Grey's Anatomy, and Dr. 90210 have officially provided me with way too much information and too many ridiculous things to fear when it comes to surgery. So now, not only am I worried about the risks they read to me several times during surgery pre-registration (which took a whopping 4.5 hours versus the 1 hour I had planned for!), but I am also thinking about things like the possibility of drunk anesthesiologists, inexperienced interns more concerned about their love lives than their patients' lives, and that awful feeling when they YANK! the cotton out of your nose a few days prior to the operation and you, well, scream...

I've been totally missing in action this last week, because I've been so busy dividing my stress between meeting art deadlines and being freaked out about my surgery. I did meet most of the deadlines I had, so I'm feeling pretty good about that stuff. When I get back to normal after all of this, I'll post some pictures of the new stuff that I sent out to shows and such, plus I have lots of new stuff for Etsy (including some plush toys and cool new skirts!) that I meant to post last week but didn't end up getting around to. I've also been meaning to show off some cool stuff I got in trades, but I didn't get a chance to do that either! Basically, I've just been bummed out trying to take my mind off of things by watching Hitchcock movies (because I get totally absorbed) and eating Ben and Jerry's "Chocolate Therapy" ice cream (because I get totally absorbed). I can't wait to be done with my recovery and feeling upbeat and ready to make art again!

To give you a better explanation of all of this, I've been having sinus problems for about 8 years. I've been to a few different allergists, none of whom could figure out what was going on or provide me with much relief. I get sinus infections like they are going out of style. Usually once a month or so... I finally found a good allergist who referred me to an ENT after testing me in every way possible for allergies (scratch test on my arm, needles in my arm, scratch test on my back, needles on my back) and finding that I was really only allergic to cats, even though I was sick all the time from my "allergies." It turns out cats are my only true allergic reaction, and I have something called non-allergic rhinitis, which basically means that my nose is super sensitive and reacts to everything (dust, pollen, and all the usual stuff) in an allergic-like way that is not really allergies. Doesn't make much sense, right? So then I got a CT scan and brainscan so they could see more of what was going on, and they saw all my years of sinus build-up all throughout my face and the fact that I have a slightly deviated septum. It turns out that I'm so congested, swollen, and built-up that I breathe through a tiny, tiny opening in my nose rather than through a normal, nostril-sized opening. If that makes any sense at all.

For the past four months or so, I have always had fluid and pressure in my ears, making me need to turn the TV up all the way, like a little old lady. My left ear *always* hurts and things sound muffled. I always have a sinus headache, and in the last few months, it's crept all the way to the back of my neck, where I always have a constant pain on my left side. I always have post nasal drip. Sometimes I feel dizzy when I get up from all the sinus pressure. I always have to breathe through my nose when I sleep, and usually most of the time I'm awake, too. My voice sounds nasally and "trapped." But really, I've just gotten so used to having all of that wrong with me, that I hardly even feel it. I've also gotten used to not getting to go to thrift stores and antique shops as much as I'd like to (too dusty) or being outside really at all (too outsidey). And all of my friends have gotten used to never sitting in the outside tables at restaurants when I'm there, and they know not to ask me to join in for any outdoor activity or anything like that. And did I mention the whole shortness-of-breath-thing that makes me tire really easily? Yep, that one really sucks!

To make a long story short (or is it too late for that now?), I've been feeling like poo for a while, and it effects me mentally, too, since I spend so much time thinking about my health and wondering what's wrong with me. I really need to get this done so I can feel like a normal person who can breathe through their nose and go outside, but I'm still really scared and nervous, since I've never had any kind of surgery before (not even wisdom teeth removal)...

So, come 5am tomorrow morning (ugh!), I will be having endoscopic sinus surgery and getting my deviated septum fixed. Whoo-hoo! Then I will have splints and cotton in my nose for two days, be hopped up on pain medication, and be in bed for a week or so. My full recovery could take up to a month, but let's hope for something a lot faster! I'm going to miss you guys and making art and the internet waaaay too much!! Hopefully I'll be able to post (or have someone post for me) by the end of the week to let you know how I'm doing and maybe even to show you how silly I look with my nose all full of cotton...

Until then, here is some fun stuff for you to puzzle over in the meantime. I can offer you no explanation whatsoever...





P.S. Thanks so much for all of your wonderful and thoughtful comments about my last post! You guys are awesome, and you have no idea how much it means to me to hear your thoughts about what I wrote. I plan to write more about that stuff in the future and to respond to your responses after all of this surgery stuff is out of the way, and I can *think* again. Thank you so much for reading!! :)